Thanks penguins! For ruining love for me!

Monday, November 21, 2016

A few weeks ago, I watched a video about a penguin who found his wife having an affair with another male penguin when he came back from the sea.
It was a bloody scene, which I couldn’t make myself watch till the end.
But that video was not the worst part of the story.

My faith in true love was crushed. And that’s the worst part.

Penguins were the symbol of true love. They only have one mate in their entire life.

And if penguins can have affairs, what’s more, human being.

I totally lost faith in true love.

But joke aside, relationships has never been an easy topic for me.

I always say that it is pretty scary to be in a relationship. 
Because to me, relationships are built on honesty and vulnerability. 

Being open to someone else is same as giving them an access card to my life, or worst still, my heart.

And I have no control what the other party will do, and that places me in a position of greater vulnerability and uncertainty.

It’s really scary.

Someone asked me who would I save if my best friend and my boyfriend were trapped in a fire and I could only save one of them.

I looked into her eyes and told her it will not be a tough decision for me, because to me, in order to be my boyfriend, that person need to first be my best friend. 

And naively I thought this is the way is supposed to be. 

Shouldn’t our life partner be the one who we can talk about every single thing without fear?

“Cons, a lot of things are supposed to be. You’re supposed to read your bible more, serve more and pray more too. But that’s life, isn’t?”

It was a revelation. Life doesn’t run according to a list of “supposed to” codes.

The struggle to find a soul mate does not only stop at finding a person who you can really click with but also have the same beliefs as you.

So what, if we can both be truthful, honest and vulnerable in a relationship? So what, if we indeed help each other through challenges and seen each other grow a little better? So what?

If one does not believe that best friend should be their life partner, that relationship no matter how compatible it feels, it just won’t work.

Of course, I don’t imagine it as a perfect journey. I’m not that naive. 
I just believe that since spouses are meant to be a life partner and grow old and mature together, isn’t that something that can only be achieved if we are truthful and honest and are willing to be vulnerable to each other?

It won’t be easy.
I am clear of that. 

But reacting towards other’s vulnerability from my own vulnerability is something I need to learn as a person as well. 
And that can only be achieved if both are willing to take the risk.

It’s hard work. It’s a commitment. It’s a risk.

It’s too scary. Better stay single.

“How would you know? That you’re not the one who will have an affair.”

Another revelation.

He’s taking the risk as well.

It’s a fair game.

And like any other sports, when one is no longer committed, it's game over, regardless whether you’re prepared for it or not.

As much as you think you’re taking the risk, so is he.

As much as you have doubt if you can stay committed, so is he.

But it’s a fair game and two can play that game.

The best shortcut is the long way: work hard.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch is a book given/lend to me by my comrade.

Not very sure if this book is mine or not so I didn’t crazily highlight the contents of the book like I usually do but I did jot down bits and pieces from the book.

But this time, I have forgotten to write down the page number. ><  
I believe this is the consequences of not doing this for a very long time.

Anyway, here goes nothing.

- - - - -

When you’re screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they’ve given up on you.

Have something to bring to the table, because that will make you more welcome.

I don’t believe in the no-win situation.

The brick walls are there for a reason. They’re not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.

The brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop other people.

It’s easy to look smart when you’re parroting smart people.

Sometimes the most impenetrable brick walls are made of flesh.

Let’s saddle up and ride.

Time must be explicitly managed, like money.

You can only change your plan, but only if you have one.

Ask yourself: are you spending your time on the right things?

Develop a good filing system.

Inspiring others is doing good as well.

Somehow, with the passage of time, and the deadliness that life imposes, surrendering become the right thing to do.

Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won’t make us happier.

Treat disease, not the symptoms.

Don’t obsess over what other people think.

Almost everybody has a good side. Just keep waiting. It’ll come out.

Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.

Whether you think you can or not, you’re right.

It’s not how hard you hit. It’s how hard you get hit and keep moving forward.

Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you want. And experience is often the most valuable thing you have to offer.

The best shortcut is the long way: work hard.

Go out and do for others what somebody did for you.

Tell the truth all the time.

Try it anyway, you never know.

I want you to become what you want to become.

If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you.

- - - - -

Gosh! I just realize it’s a pretty huge chunk that I got out from the book. But I like how it tells different stories of his life to convey different messages.

Though this book is filled with nuggets, but there’s one particular takeaway that really stuck in my mind.

Certain behavior/ attitude is not morally unacceptable, but it is socially unacceptable.

Okay. That's not the exact word used in the book, but that's how I interpreted it. 

And somehow it really stuck in my mind as I believe I fall under the socially unacceptable group. 
I had a conversation with my friend recently and he told me a mutual friend of ours mentioned that it is more important to know how to act in front of our boss than excel in our work.
And he is doing pretty well (in a way).

I put more effort in my work than trying to please my boss. 
And sadly, behaving as such did not really work out for me. 
I was pretty sad about it, believing that there's something wrong with me and I should start acting in a way that pleases other people so that I too can not only survive but thrive.
But thank God for that friend of mine and my sis who talk me out of it.  

I like to be an actor, but I don't want to be an imposter. :)